God, Magic Mushrooms, and Me |
Years after my evolution from confused teen to confident nonchurchgoer, my wife, Sonya, and I took our kids one Easter to a local Congregational church, more in search of community than anything else. We lacked the fervency of the faithful, but we liked that the church had been part of the abolition movement and remained committed to change in the twenty-first century, and we became regulars. I didn't know what I believed. My secularism now seemed as naive as my childlike trust in Jesus. I felt something when I went to church, a warmth that spread from my heart and buoyed me. It also felt silly to pray aloud, and as I sat in the pews, I chose not to dwell on whether I believed the biblical stories any more than I had in college. I read deeper and found the Gospel of Thomas, who wrote that the way to honor God is to listen to and take seriously your life's calling. "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you," Jesus says in Thomas's gospel. "If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." When the pastor asked last year if I would become a deacon—a lay leader at the church— I almost couldn't believe it as I said it, but I accepted. |
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Ashton Kutcher Has Been Through It |
Twenty-six years ago, Ashton Kutcher made his way from Iowa to New York City with a hundred dollars in his pocket and not one single clue about what he was getting into. The first time he went to a club—any club, ever, at the now defunct Chaos on Broome and West Broadway in SoHo—he spied Prince sitting behind a velvet rope in a VIP area. But Kutcher had never seen a velvet VIP rope before and didn't grasp that it was supposed to be a barrier. So he stepped right over it to say hi to one of his heroes. His killer opening line? "You're from Minnesota, and I'm from Iowa." Security helped escort him right back to his side of the rope. Kutcher stands up from our table at lunch to reenact the scene. His long limbs swing dramatically over the imaginary rope, and he shakes my hand—I am playing the part of the Purple One—and recalls, with a sheepish grin, his equally memorable parting statement: "Go Vikings." |
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A Good Sperm Donor Is Hard to Find |
Early last year, my partner and I decided it was finally time to start a family. We had already tempted those pesky fertility gods by daring to wait until we were almost (gasp!) 35—after which any pregnancy would be considered by our fine medical professionals to be a geriatric pregnancy—and we still needed to factor in additional time to find some sperm. They say certain things take longer when you're queer. This is especially true when it comes to forming a family: our plumbing prevents a speedy and seamless experience. We couldn't delay any longer. One cold January afternoon, for the first time, we logged onto the database of one of a handful of cryobanks our doctor had recommended. We decided to use a cryobank because that's what many of our queer friends had done, and because our doctor said it required a lot less legwork than using a known donor—fertility lingo for a friend who loans you a few of his swimmers. It seemed like the "normal" thing to do, and normal seemed like a nice start to our journey through the world of queer parenthood. |
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In the War Room with Steve Bannon |
"Donald Trump won the 2020 election," Steve Bannon pronounces. "Of that there is not even a question." Obviously you expect me not to agree with you, I say. "Of course I expect you not to agree with me," he says. "And I'm also not looking for you to agree with me. And I also don't give a fuck who in the mainstream media agrees or disagrees with me." And so off we go—about this and about Covid (the Bannon view: "It's 100 percent a bioweapon—fucking not even a question") and about vaccines ("I would never in ten million years get this vaccine," Bannon says, and asks if I would; I simply hand him my vax card, which he looks at with apparent amazement: "I've never . . .") and about what I view—but naturally Bannon doesn't—as his incessant anti-Semitic dog-whistling. At one point, he rhapsodizes about the range of information available to people these days. Or misinformation, I say. |
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Behind the Scenes of Barack Obama's Reading Lists |
As a journalist covering the book-publishing industry, when an editor reaches out to me about a story, it's usually because there's something dark lurking under the cover. The (now failed) Penguin Random House/Simon & Schuster merger was a messy game of corporate maneuvers with the potential to leave employees and authors in the dust. The New York Times best-seller list is calculated with a secret formula that authors and publishers regularly attempt to cheat. I usually have anonymous sources falling all over themselves to spill industry secrets, so you can imagine that when I was assigned to investigate the methodology behind Barack Obama's annual lists of book recommendations, I set out to expose a secret apparatus of industry shenanigans. What I found was much more shocking. |
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Persecution in the Name of the Lord |
Journey Mueller wasn't ready to come out. At eighteen, the Colorado Christian University freshman had only just admitted to herself that she liked women. But one autumn day in 2017, two of her roommates—women she considered her closest friends —tried to pry the secret from her. When Journey evaded their questions, they pelted her with more. When she tried to leave her dorm suite, they physically blocked the door, she later said in a sworn legal declaration. When she held her tongue, they did the talking, piecing together a narrative that was spot-on: That fall, Journey's lesbian friend Casey had been a frequent visitor, taking Journey away from campus for hours. What were they doing? Were they dating? Was Journey gay? Journey stood frozen before her friends, one hand touching her cross necklace. With long, chestnut hair framing her youthful face, flushed cheeks, and piercing eyes, she resembled a teenage Kristen Stewart. Journey hadn't told anyone about the surprising turn her romantic life had taken with Casey's arrival. (Casey is a pseudonym to protect their privacy; they now use gender- neutral pronouns.) She had admired Casey since high school—how they always seemed spirited and flirtatious, comfortable in their own skin. She loved Casey's explosive laugh and theatrical personality. Before, Journey had flirted tentatively with Casey, but the anti-LGBTQ+ beliefs of her conservative Christian community held her back. Now in college, Journey was exploring her identity and felt her attraction to Casey rekindle. |
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Welcome to Add to Cart, in which Esquire editors tell you about the clothes, shoes, watches, gear, gadgets, booze, and anything else we're coveting right now. - The Editors at Esquire |
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I haven't heard much about major things that happened this year, but I do know that 2023 was an incredible year for products. Our Esquire editors endorsed a lot of shit... A lot of good really shit, actually. We waxed poetics about new candles that won't leave our bedside; the stompy loafers we'll never take off; and the jeans every man should own a pair of. And sure, we've awarded all sorts of home goods, grooming things, and tech gadgets, but even those don't carry the full-throated Esquire Endorsement. These aren't just the products we think are worth your money. These are the products we spend our own paychecks on. They're the things we wear, use, and touch everyday. And, to make it even simpler for you to shop, we narrowed the whole list down. From the 50 things we endorsed this year, these are our top 10 favorites. |
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Score up to 70% off from retailers like J.Crew, Todd Snyder, SSENSE, and more. |
| Who knew the Loftie Lamp was the solution I needed? |
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Our favorites include forward-thinking TVs, wellness-based tech, and some damn good headphones. |
| Just buy those joggers already. |
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There are few items you buy for your home once in a decade and hope to never do so again. Debatably, a mattress and sofa are more in the five-year category—but we know some of you really stretch that out. The real investment pieces are the sturdy and solid ones like dining tables, dressers, and of course, a bed frame. These are built to last, and in general take on far less wear and tear than most other furniture pieces. That's why when shopping for one, make sure you like it, because you'll probably own it for the foreseeable future. Read on to shop brands people really love like Floyd and Thuma, and some newcomers to the space like The Citizenry and Saatva. These editor-approved bed frames just might be the upgrade your bedroom has been waiting for. |
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