As I crossed two years on testosterone, I'd look in the mirror and marvel at the man who blinked back. And yet, I remained hesitant to speak in public, afraid my voice would give me away and perhaps I'd find myself in danger. I marveled that my body knew how to do any of this, like somewhere the architect had drawn up plans for my male self and then just left them on the workbench. I fixated on the voices of other men. I listened to both trans and cis men, how they talked in person and in the media. I couldn't answer the question: How are men supposed to talk? I consoled myself that some cis men sound really high pitched. Like Sam Bankman-Fried, for example, real high voice, or David Sedaris with his iconic Billie Holiday impersonation. But a few outliers didn't seem like much of a consolation if my goal was to pass. Especially as a five-foot-four guy, especially where I live, in a rural area where Trump flags fly. I tried to remind myself that what the other side wants is for me to be afraid. Their worst nightmare is a trans life well lived. Someone like me continuing to be alive felt like an act of rebellion. Every Sunday morning when that syringe plunged beneath my skin, I felt a hit of Fuck 'em, I'll just survive. And so I resolved to find a speech therapist to teach me to talk like a man. |
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How Do I Keep My Kid Off Screens This Summer? |
Your kids, and their entire generation, are swimming in a never-ending stream of digital distractions. Every click is designed to grab their attention like metal to a magnet, and as the grown-up in charge, you have the Herculean task of luring them away! The problem isn't just with the pull of the Internet. Today's parents struggle with juggling all of life's priorities and responsibilities (work, home life, and maybe too much time going down their own digital rabbit hole, etc.) without the help of grandparents in the duplex downstairs or aunts and uncles around the corner. Here are some ways to steer kids away from TVs and tablets…and toward IRL fun. |
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The Bear's Matty Matheson's Toronto Restaurants: A Guide |
You might know Matty Matheson best as handyman-turned-server Neil Fak in the Emmy-awarding winning comedy drama The Bear, where he also is both a producer and culinary consultant. But Matheson is first-and-foremost a cook and chef—he's been in the industry for over two decades, and his restaurants in Toronto run a wide gamut. At his divey Matty's Patty's Burger Club, you'll find cheeseburgers—both of the crispy-lacey smashed varietal as well as juicy thick-pattied versions. On the other end of the dining spectrum, he's got a more buttoned up, design-forward, seafood-centric steakhouse appropriately called Prime Seafood Palace that offers caviar service to go with giant slabs of rosey-hued cuts of prime rib. |
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The Best Songs of 2024 (So Far) |
We're halfway through 2024 and right in the middle of Pop Girl Summer. As the temperatures soared, Sabrina Carpenter, Chappell Roan, and Charli XCX took the wheel and gave the season a TikTok-fueled, sassy-to-sleazy tone. And they'll probably hold that spot until Post Malone releases his new album, F-1 Trillion, in August. The dude is on an unbelievable hot streak—so far this year, he's appeared on duets with Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, and Morgan Wallen ("I Had Some Help," which has held Billboard's number-one slot for five weeks as of this writing), so expect that momentum to continue. Meantime, the past few weeks have seen some impressive, ambitious songs from artists in their mid-twenties (Clairo, Raye) to their mid-eighties (the miraculous Mavis Staples). It's halftime, so catch your breath, drink some water, and stay sharp for whatever the rest of the year throws at us. |
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How the Louis Vuitton Malle Courrier Became Iconic |
The Louis Vuitton Malle Courrier isn't just one of the most enduring of the famed French fashion house's designs—it's the literal foundation of the entire company. And it's the story of this trunk that's at the heart of the first episode of Esquire's new series, Iconic, which details some of the most recognizable and resilient items in the fashion world. These days, though, identifiable imagery doesn't hold the same value. In fact, modern luxury's emphasis on logos and signifiers doesn't quite hit the mark. That's the idea behind Iconic. It's not about names or brands or flash. It's about the substance that earns these items their lofty place in the world—and maybe, eventually, your own collection. |
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The 15 Best Psychological Thriller Books |
For some readers, a novel that's simply enjoyable or thought-provoking isn't enough. They don't want just romance. Or just horror. Or true crime. They don't even want just the best. No, these readers, they like to be toyed with when it comes to their novels—tricked, thrilled, distressed, kept guessing until the very last page. If this sounds like you, then you've come to the right place. Psychological thrillers offer one of the most absorbing reading experiences available. These novels are the predator, and the helpless readers are the prey, caught in their palm-sweating, mind-bending spell. We've rounded up ten of our favorites, which exemplify the best of what this depraved genre can offer, as well as the wide variety of stories writers can tell within this familiar framework. | |
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Welcome to Add to Cart, in which Esquire editors tell you about the clothes, shoes, watches, gear, gadgets, booze, and anything else we're coveting right now. - The Editors at Esquire |
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Fragrances are funny; there are always trends, but they don't necessarily adhere to a calendar the way fashion does. They just keep on coming, which is great news for frag heads like us, but can also be hard to keep up with. Then there are the flankers—fragrance speak for remixes of existing scents—that belong to larger fragrance groups, but serve to evolve the scent story in new ways. Between flankers and new releases, keeping up with newness in the fragrance world is almost a full time job. Luckily, it's a full time job that we love to have. |
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The days are heating up, but these will keep you cool. |
| From time travel to Hollywood to King Arthur, this summer's best reads are a wild ride. |
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From dual-side temperature controls to firmness adjsutability, nothing has gone harder on smart sleep than these mattresses. |
| Here's to, presumably, never losing your luggage again. |
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When it comes to seemingly small decisions that can really screw up your whole day, choosing the wrong socks ranks way, way up there. I was forced to contend with this very reality yesterday, when the past-their-prime pair I pulled on before I left the house started slipping down my calves, gathering under my arches, and eventually bunching at the toes. It was unpleasant. And I know we've all been there. What I don't know is why I decided to opt for those blown-out socks when I have much better ones on hand. They're from the Danvers collection, by Pantherella. |
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