The Worst Halloween Candy (Don't Cancel Us)

There is no good way to hold a Reese's. Scientifically speaking, the thermal energy emitted from your sweaty hands is too much for the cup's wimpy, waxy, molecularly mediocre exterior. It melts immediately, coating your fingers and lips with chocolate that more than likely goes to waste. A streak somehow ends up below your earlobe. You return home at night to find a watery brown smear behind your elbow. And the brown paper wrapping is worse than useless in protecting the cup's structural integrity.

View in Browser  SHOP EXCLUSIVE SUBSCRIBE Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Think They're Hot Shit. They Ain't. There is no good way to hold a Reese's. Scientifically speaking, the thermal energy emitted from your sweaty hands is too much for the cup's wimpy, waxy, molecularly mediocre exterior. It melts immediately, coating your fingers and lips with chocolate that more than likely goes to waste. A streak somehow ends up below your earlobe. You return home at night to find a watery brown smear behind your elbow. And the brown paper wrapping is worse than useless in protecting the cup's structural integrity. Read More The 11 Grooming Products We're Most Excited About Right Now It's time to undo summer damage and get ready for winter. Read More The 88 Scariest Movies of All Time From classic jump scares to psychological horror, these films are sure to keep you awake at night. Read More Do the Courts Have the Cojones to Apply Section 3 of the 14th Amendment to Trump? In Washington on Monday, a musclebound January 6 defendant named Vitali GossJankowski allegedly went berserk at hearing, scattering papers, computers, and a few federal marshals all over the courtroom before he was finally subdued. The echoes of the insurrection continue to resound, one way or another. Meanwhile, out in a more peaceable courtroom in Colorado, some serious constitutional grappling got underway. Read More The 20 Best Boxer Shorts to Wear Every Day Invest in a great, infallible pair... or two, or three. Read More 60 Photos That Display the Eternal Cool of Leonardo DiCaprio It was a long road to Oscar glory. Read More My Macabre Weekend at StokerCon StokerCon is named for the man who wrote Dracula. Bram Stoker, maker of the modern vampire, a writer assured his place on horror's Mount Rushmore. It's a fitting appellation for the annual conference of the Horror Writers Association. The HWA is a nonprofit organization of writers, publishers, agents, and industry-adjacent folks like me, all dedicated to promoting horror writing and the culture that surrounds it. StokerCon brings us from all over the world to meet up and talk comfortably about the stuff that relegates us to the "weird side character" role in other walks of life. Read More Follow Us Unsubscribe | Privacy Notice | CA Notice at Collection Esquire is a publication of Hearst Magazines. ©2023 Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. This email was sent by Hearst Magazines, 300 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019-3779

Biden's In the Sh*t Right Now

This is a very rough time to be the incumbent president of the United States. You're running for re-election. You're beset by not one, not two, but three nuisance candidates, including one in your own party who is running, he says, because you're old and in the way, which is—perhaps coincidentally, perhaps not—going to be a prime Republican line of attack next fall, despite the fact that the GOP is preparing to nominate an old guy whose cheese has slipped off his cracker, hit the floor, and been eaten by the dog.

View in Browser  SHOP EXCLUSIVE SUBSCRIBE President Biden Is Dealing With a Lot of Sh*t at the Moment This is a very rough time to be the incumbent president of the United States. You're running for re-election. You're beset by not one, not two, but three nuisance candidates, including one in your own party who is running, he says, because you're old and in the way, which is—perhaps coincidentally, perhaps not—going to be a prime Republican line of attack next fall, despite the fact that the GOP is preparing to nominate an old guy whose cheese has slipped off his cracker, hit the floor, and been eaten by the dog. Read More Hollywood Remembers Matthew Perry, a Sitcom Legend "I hope Matthew is at peace at long last," wrote Gwyneth Paltrow. "I really do." Read More 10 Appliance Brands That Are Absolutely Worth the Investment You know the names, but here's what they're all about. Read More Jalen Brunson on Tunnel Fits and (Fashion) Three-Pointers As the star point guard for the New York Knicks, you might think Jalen Brunson would be long on bombast, bluster, and—let's be honest—ego. But when I spoke with him ahead of the team's opening night against the Celtics last week, I was surprised by how low key he is. Sure, he knows he's good. Yeah, he's got some swag (plus a dedicated shoe room). But he's also the guy who's snagging some Dunkin' on the way to Madison Square Garden, rocking a sweatsuit during his tunnel walk, and listening to Justin Bieber before each and every game. "I'm definitely a comfy guy," he says. "Comfort over everything." Read More The Best Sweatpants to Wear Absolutely Everywhere Stay cozy and stylish all day, every day. Read More The 11 Best Sectional Sofas You Can Buy Under $1,000 They're comfortable, affordable, and look the part. What more could you ask for? Read More Why Is No One Having Sex Right Now? We were bound to arrive at this risqué but risk-averse state. The essential tension of America has always come from the tug-of-war between its puritanical nature and its pursuit of happiness. It's the only place that could produce both Hollywood and the MPAA ratings, child beauty pageants and purity rings, gay rights and "no homo." Even amid the Sexual Revolution—when women were seizing control of their sexual agency and members of the LGBT community were stepping out of the shadows—what defined sex in pop culture was the male gaze. It's why beer commercials had women in bikinis casting flirty looks at regular joes or sometimes—I swear—a bull terrier named Spuds Mac- Kenzie. We live in a confusing, chaotic country. Read More Follow Us Unsubscribe | Privacy Notice | CA Notice at Collection Esquire is a publication of Hearst Magazines. ©2023 Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. This email was sent by Hearst Magazines, 300 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019-3779