The Worst Halloween Candy (Don't Cancel Us)

There is no good way to hold a Reese's. Scientifically speaking, the thermal energy emitted from your sweaty hands is too much for the cup's wimpy, waxy, molecularly mediocre exterior. It melts immediately, coating your fingers and lips with chocolate that more than likely goes to waste. A streak somehow ends up below your earlobe. You return home at night to find a watery brown smear behind your elbow. And the brown paper wrapping is worse than useless in protecting the cup's structural integrity.

View in Browser  SHOP EXCLUSIVE SUBSCRIBE Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Think They're Hot Shit. They Ain't. There is no good way to hold a Reese's. Scientifically speaking, the thermal energy emitted from your sweaty hands is too much for the cup's wimpy, waxy, molecularly mediocre exterior. It melts immediately, coating your fingers and lips with chocolate that more than likely goes to waste. A streak somehow ends up below your earlobe. You return home at night to find a watery brown smear behind your elbow. And the brown paper wrapping is worse than useless in protecting the cup's structural integrity. Read More The 11 Grooming Products We're Most Excited About Right Now It's time to undo summer damage and get ready for winter. Read More The 88 Scariest Movies of All Time From classic jump scares to psychological horror, these films are sure to keep you awake at night. Read More Do the Courts Have the Cojones to Apply Section 3 of the 14th Amendment to Trump? In Washington on Monday, a musclebound January 6 defendant named Vitali GossJankowski allegedly went berserk at hearing, scattering papers, computers, and a few federal marshals all over the courtroom before he was finally subdued. The echoes of the insurrection continue to resound, one way or another. Meanwhile, out in a more peaceable courtroom in Colorado, some serious constitutional grappling got underway. Read More The 20 Best Boxer Shorts to Wear Every Day Invest in a great, infallible pair... or two, or three. Read More 60 Photos That Display the Eternal Cool of Leonardo DiCaprio It was a long road to Oscar glory. Read More My Macabre Weekend at StokerCon StokerCon is named for the man who wrote Dracula. Bram Stoker, maker of the modern vampire, a writer assured his place on horror's Mount Rushmore. It's a fitting appellation for the annual conference of the Horror Writers Association. The HWA is a nonprofit organization of writers, publishers, agents, and industry-adjacent folks like me, all dedicated to promoting horror writing and the culture that surrounds it. StokerCon brings us from all over the world to meet up and talk comfortably about the stuff that relegates us to the "weird side character" role in other walks of life. Read More Follow Us Unsubscribe | Privacy Notice | CA Notice at Collection Esquire is a publication of Hearst Magazines. ©2023 Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. This email was sent by Hearst Magazines, 300 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019-3779