The day my grandmother in Beijing died, I went out to dinner in New York. The meal was meant to be in her memory, but really, it spoke to the paucity of mine. My partner asked for stories as we drove from Brooklyn into Flushing, a neighborhood that hummed with the slow pedestrian choreography of its predominant Chinese diaspora. Staring out at a mass of gray-haired grannies, each indistinguishable from a distance, I found I had no stories of the woman who'd raised me. I knew neither her age nor city of birth; nor could I recount a single shared conversation. She had me until I was four, a stretch of time unimprinted on conscious memory. Empty of anecdotes and tears, I believed myself empty, too, of grief for a woman I'd seen three times in the previous thirty years. |
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